Interview with Seto Kaiba
by OFFICIAL CHOPS WRITING
Summary: For his first interview, Seto interviews Ryou, Marik and Bakura. Things get out of hand when sexual incidents are brought up and when they start to descover each other. I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh, or it's characters, however, I do own the plotline of this story


AN INTERVIEW WITH SETO KAIBA

Seto: I am sick of all this shit about Yami, Fuck him! I am sick of his pussy ass interview TV show. So now, I present to you, "An Interview with Seto Kaiba". First off I will be interviewing Ryou.

-Ryou comes out-

Ryou: Goddamn! You have dancers on your show? Bakura and Yami don't have dancers on their shows.

S: Fuck yeah I have dancers. Without dancers, you don't have a TV show.

R: Amen to that one!

-Seto and Ryou body slam-

R: You knocked the fuckin' wind out of me!

S: Oh, yeah, I saw Bakura out the other day.

R: Really? Where?

S: Puffin' on three cigarettes, blowin' down main street.

R: Huh…I wondered what he has been doing in his spare time.

S: That's not the only things that he has been puffin' on lately.

-The door slams open-

Marik: I can attest to that.

S: What the fuck are you doing here?!

R: Excuse me?

M: Oh yeah, he gave me a hum- nothing!

S: You little!

-Seto chokes Marik until his eyes fall out-

M: Lord help air!

R: He ain't saving your ass.

M: He was testing out a new idea on me to see if it was good and that you would like it!

S: Really?

-Seto lets go of Marik's throat. Ryou nearly passes out-

R: What the fuck?!

S: Aw, I feel like an asshole.

M: You are what you is.

-Seto slaps Marik-

S: Yeah, Bakura and I went out on a few dates. I see no problem there. He was a cheap fuck. I loved that.

R: Ok…it's his personal life and I don't need to get involved.

M: Damn right. You don't need to be getting into his personal life.

S: You're a douche bag. You did.

M: I am what I is.

S: You son of a- what? You agree with me?

M: Well, yeah. I'm not an asshole. I know the truth.

-Ryou snickers-

R: In your face.

S: Blow me.

R: No thank you. Marik will though.

-Seto explodes in anger-

R: I'm- what the fuck?!

-Bakura walks in and sticks his foot up Marik's ass-

M: Maybe I should just go.

-Bakura grabs Marik by his hood-

Bakura: To hell you are!

M: What would I have to give you in order for you to let me go?

-Bakura stops to think-

B: I wanna be famous. You don't have to be a selfish asshole.

R: Yeah he does. It is in his contract.

B: What?

S: It does?

-Ryou pulls out a huge stack of paper-

S: Goddamn!

M: Tell me about it. I have to sign and initial each piece of paper.

S: Let me see that!

-Seto rips the papers from Ryou's hands-

S: Hey! I signed this! And it says here on page 8 million 500 and 52 that "Marik is to be a selfish self-centered asshole forever and for eternity too." As Seto Kaiba, I stand corrected.

B: How could you sign this piece of shit's contract?!

S: I dunno. I was probably high at the time.

R: High on what?

S: Weed, coke, speed. The whole nine yards. What else are you supposed to do when you have money hanging out of your asshole and no friends?

B: I have to respect that.

R: Buy some fuckin' friends..

-Balloons fall from the ceiling-

B: P to the a to the t to the r to the y. PARTY!

R: Tard.

-Seto slaps Bakura in the head-

R: Hey! That's my job.

-Seto clonks Ryou and Bakura's heads together-

B: Christ!

S: Don't say that! I don't need Jesus here right now! I don't want him to find out about my mistresses.

M: You had a mistress?

S: Actually, I have 12. I call them my apostles.

-Bakura rolls his eyes-

M: Stupid fuck.

R: You call them your apostles? How fuckin' old school is that? Why don't you just call them your hoes?

S: I don't know. I am busy man.

B: Yeah, busy fucking off.

-Seto slaps Bakura-

S: I'll fuck you of- I mean up! I'll fuck you up.

B: I know that everyone wants to fuck me, but let's keep this shit under control. Ryou is the only guy here with anal pleasures.

R: Anal pleasures? What the hell does that mean?!

M: How do I put this…?

S: You like to have a penis up your ass! That's what it goddamn means!

-Marik swallows the doughnut hole that he is heating whole and Ryou has to save him from choking-

R: What?!

B: Who the fuck would come up with a sick idea like that?

S: I believe that it was Elton John.

B: Faggot pig…

M: Now we are talking!

S: What the fuck are you talking about? You sucked Yami off!

M: Huh? Oh yeah…but you got fucked in the ass by Yami.

S: Not denying it…but it was actually Duke.

M: My apologies.

B: You guys are pigs.

-Seto and Marik take a bow-

B: I hate you guys.

R: Then why do you hang around with us then?

B: You are the exception….but those two I dunno. They have good taste in women, when they are dating them and they throw awesome parties.

S: You do too.

M: That reminds me, Seto. Bakura, why weren't we invited to that party that you had the other night. For fuck's sake Yami was invited!

S: Yeah! Where the fuck do you get off?

B: Well, usually at my house. Or a motel room.

-Marik slaps Bakura-

R: That is not what he meant.

S: Yeah. Even I caught on.

B: I did not invite you guys because you fucked me over.

M: What? How did I fuck you over!

S: I know that I did.

B: Where do I begin?

-Bakura pulls out a binder-

M: What the fuck is that?

B: It is a binder with all of the times that Marik fucked me over.

-Seto lets out a low whistle-

S: Wow.

R: Yeah, I know. He always yaks about it. You get to know it by heart about by the hundredth time that he goes through it. I know his bullshit speal by heart.

S: I'm sorry,

B: Yeah, Maybe some money out of your wallet will help ease his pain.

S: Fuck you! I'm not that sorry! You need to have your head examined.

B: I know. I am going to see my Therapist tonight at four.

M: Seto doesn't want to hear about this shit! He's got his own problems to worry about.

B: Like what?

S: Mokuba is getting his driver's license.

-Seto rips a section of his hair out-

S: What?! I forgot all about that. Great. Now my new car is going to be ruined.

R: What kind of car is it?

S: A neon.

-Obnoxious laughter-

S: What is so fuckin' hilarious?

M: A neon! Come on! Can't you do better?!

S: not with Mokuba getting his license and getting ready to go to college.

M: Even I can afford a better car and I live in an apartment. In the Bronx section of Egypt!

B: lucky, I have never been to the Bronx.

R: It's a shithole.

M: Just like your house!

B: Yeah. Just like my h-You piece of shit!

-Bakura tackles Marik over the sofa-

M: Blow job!

R: I'll go get Yami.

-Ryou leaves-

S: What a pimp.

M: Yeah. I respect him.

To be continued!


End file.
